The complicated reality of a virtual village
How do I convince my virtual village to move into an actual real life village with me?
A hypothetical and unrealistic question I asked myself as a cheered on an internet friend from 2 time zones away. Obviously it wouldn’t actually happen but what if it could?
The internet has created an interesting conundrum. On one hand we have information at our fingertips, we can easily connect with family and friends around the globe and yet… when we turn off our phones, we find ourselves alone.
In 2020, I was struggling with this loneliness. Besides living in SoCal during the pandemic, I also just didn’t have many friends. Shortly after my only 2 friends moved across the country for new job opportunities, I found myself completely alone… with my 1 and a half year old. I turned to Instagram for friends and honestly, I made some! Some of whom I’m still in contact with today and some I’ve met in person! But when I turned off my phone, there was no one.
At some point, I reached out for help for my postpartum depression. Unable to find a therapist, I did a free consultation with a life coach. sigh
She was actually awful to me. Rude to say the LEAST and WAY overpriced. But she did have a good point - even though the delivery stung - she said something like “Why don’t you stop whining and start making friends where you live instead of living your life online?!”
Her question was insensitive and cold… but she was… right…?
Of course, because of the pandemic and where I lived at the time, I couldn’t actually put that into practice until we moved to Tennessee several months later but it has stuck with me and I now try to live a more hybrid life as I call it.
Both making friends in person and running my business and cheering women on virtually.
In modern motherhood, I think it’s important to have BOTH.
We weren’t created, we didn’t evolve, to stare at a screen all day. We need physical touch and presence of other humans who love us to be able to thrive. And I’ll address adult, mom friendships in another blog post soon but for now, let’s focus on how a virtual village can still be beneficial.
You might live in a support desert.
Maybe you just relocated or there aren’t very many postpartum resources where you live. Unfortunately, postpartum support is hard to find in most parts of North America. You probably saw an OBGYN your entire pregnancy but if you had a similar experience to me, your doctor gave you little to no other resources. No connections to Doulas or Midwives or prenatal Chiropractors or Pelvic Health professionals- at least not without you asking first. Following an educational postpartum account might tip you off to other resources you have for postpartum.
You might have no idea what questions to ask.
Unless you have experienced friends or family who are willing to help you figure out this whole motherhood thing, you might not even know what to ask. You know babies need diapers and clothes and you’ve seen babies with pacifiers but maybe you have no idea that a newborn doesn’t know the difference between day and night for the first several weeks. (Something I didn’t know until I had my first- and guys. I took child development classes in college. Facepalm)
You can find likeminded people online.
Honestly, this has been the best thing for me. For so long I thought I was alone, and then the algorithm showed me people going through the same things as me and then I finally felt like I wasn’t a weirdo.
You can learn so much from other’s experiences.
On the other side of the coin, I’ve also learned so much from people who share their experiences online. As a care provider, this has helped me be more empathic to people who have a different lived experience than my own. I’m so grateful for people who speak up about what they’ve been through, both so we can learn from them and also so those of us who have been through something similar, know that we’re not completely alone.
You might need virtual resources.
You might not have time or the mental capacity to physically go to an event or class for new parents. Maybe you prefer learning from online courses or you need a virtual one on one approach that works with your schedule. This can be a huge benefit to new parents. Sometimes, virtual support just works better.
While we might not be able to all move to the same village (cuz you know I want you there too), we can continue to connect online and learn from each other.
My DMs on Instagram are always open if you need a friend.
Love you!
